Struggles and Tears

There are days when we all feel like it is just too much. We
can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel and there is just no way
to get life in order. We try hard to follow God’s word and we do our best to
seek Him and His ways; yet, we feel like we fall short. The bills are overdue, the
cabinets are getting bare, the house is still half remodeled, and we still need
gas to get to work until the next pay day. Maybe we feel like this is happening in our
lives because we don’t have everything in order according to God’s word; or
maybe we feel like this is how life is because the household is not in agreement
on serving God. Could it be because we feel like our house is spiritually
unevenly yoked because not everyone is actively seeking God? What if it is
because some are still caught in speaking negative things and not standing on
the promises that God has given. All these questions come to our minds when we
have a day that just doesn’t come together in the name of Jesus. I then I must ask, if this is the case, then how can I be prophesied
over, and it be accurate? How can something that God sends to me come to pass
if I must wait until my household is in order? Is this fair? I mean if I am doing what I know
to do such as: reading God’s word, praying, worshipping, praising, being
thankful, loving others, forgiving, praying for others, and everything else
that is good and true, then why must I be held accountable for those who are
not seeking His ways or still speak negatively? Am I wasting my time praying
for the promise of His provisions and abundance since it cannot come until my
bills are caught up and paid as agreed? Does speaking words of life into
situations really matter if there is someone quicker to speak words of
negativity about finding the right parts for the lawn mower? Do I shrug and
just go on about my daily walk with Jesus and know that someday everyone will
be serving God? Is this a patience thing? Is this because of mistakes I made
and now it is the price I pay? This place is not a place that is new to me. My heart was
torn apart before, and I walked away from serving God. I did not walk away from
Him, nor did I stop believing in Him or His word. I just walked away from
serving because I was told (not in a straightforward way) that I was not ready
nor was my life in a place that God could use me for anything. So, I felt like “why
bother?” Why should I pour out my heart and soul if it was just going to lay there?
I just can’t seem to understand any of this struggle. It is the same struggle
that I battled years ago when I was in a different church. Here I am 8 years
later feeling almost the same way. The only thing different is I have not been
told that I am not worthy. I am tired of the wilderness when I can see the promised
land. I am tired of the struggles when I can see the victory. I am tired of the
lack when I can see the abundance. Yet, I cannot change it. I am at the mercy
of those around me. Why? I do not understand why? I am sitting here trying to keep
the tears at bay and figure out what God’s word says about this situation. I
hear the words “press through” but I just feel like I do not have the energy. It’s
almost like I can see the goodness of God and all the callings, talents,
blessings, promises and desires of my heart; yet I cannot have them because my
life is not where it should be. This literally breaks my heart to think that I am
pouring myself out for God to use, only to find that I am not worthy because of
situations that are not what He wants. If I could control them, I would be the
first to do what needs to be done, but since it is not in my control, it seems
as though it is unjust. I know that God is just and loving, just as I know that He
is gracious and truthful. I know He is a good Father who loves me more than I can
even love myself. So I go to the only place that I know I can find answers and
peace. I go to God’s word. I reflect on
the stories of the Bible. The first person I think of is Job, and how he lost
everything; consequently, even after cursing the day he was born (story for
another time), he was given double for his trouble. I remember Saul who was
against Christians; and then he was converted and became one of the most
influential writers of the New Testament. Oh, and then there is Peter, who
denied Christ and became one of the great Ministers of his time. I think of the
blind men who were given their sight, the little girl brought back from death,
and little Zacchaeus, who climbed a tree just to get a look at Jesus; who Jesus
then called by name and dined with him. So,
as I reflect on these stories, I realize that each of these people acted and
were blessed. Their lives were changed because of their actions. Then I began to reflect on the promises of God. He knows the
plans He has for me and He will never leave me or forsake me. He loves me so
much that He gave His Son to die for my sins and transgressions. The promise
that the joy will come after the storm and if I ask, He will hear. I am
reminded of His promise of provision in the wilderness and the redemption in
the promised land. I know that he will not being me to something without giving
me the strength to get through that situation. When I feel the weakest, He is
the strongest. All these things are in His word. They are His Word and they are
true and merciful. I also remember that He has told us that the enemy will come
to destroy and steal anything that God gives or promises. God promises that
even when the enemy tries to snare us with his lies and manipulations, we are
stronger because we have the Holy Spirit within us. It is not the behavior of the people around me that keep us
in the struggle, it is the battle of the enemy. It is the adversary who brings
situations against our promises and prophecies. The enemy wants nothing more
than to see me walk away again. This tells me that there is something great to
come. This tells me that the struggles will not last forever. This tells me
that life will change, and blessings will be more than I can imagine. It is my
willingness to be pushed around spiritually by the enemy that keeps me in the
wilderness. If I let him get to me emotionally, mentally and spiritually, then
he can send doubt and anger into my life. These things will steal my joy,
praise and gratefulness. Trusting God is much more than just reading His word. It is
praying and even crying out to Him when you are lost in the sea of emotions.
Praying is not just done on your knees. Sometimes my best conversations with
God have been those where I am laying on my bed ugly crying and needing to just
talk to Him. Regardless of how you talk to Him, don’t ever forsake taking your feelings
to God. Even if you are upset and just don’t understand, talk to Him. Let Him hold
you and speak to you in a way that you will understand how much He loves you
and wants you to fulfill the call on your life. Give Him the chance to answer
for Himself. By going straight to God
with these concerns, we can drown out the doubt and fear that the enemy is
sending and walk on the water with Jesus. This is how we become More. Remember, we all experience these struggles; however, it is
our reaction to the struggle that either keeps us in the wilderness or guides
us to the promised land. Love you much!! Cyndi #realstrugglesencouragement

©2020 by Cyndi Kay

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